For your entertainment, and education, from Harper's Weekly:
................A new species of giant rat was discovered in a Papua New Guinea volcano, and scientists were working on making single-cell slime molds into robots. Colombian President Alvaro Uribe returned from Argentina, where he met with other South American presidents and caught swine flu, and the United States, facing a swine-flu-vaccine shortage, released videos that feature Elmo from Sesame Street encouraging people to wash their hands. Police in Australia were investigating an adolescent girl and two boys for child pornography because one of the boys used his mobile phone to film the girl losing her virginity because she wanted to have sex before the Large Hadron Collider was turned on and the world ended. The Catholic church recommended that before sex married couples recite the Prayer Before Making Love, which asks God to "clothe us in true dignity"; and, to celebrate the legalization of same-sex marriage in Vermont, Ben and Jerry's changed the name of Chubby Hubby to Hubby Hubby. Art conservators restoring a seventeenth-century painting by Poussin uncovered an erect penis, and at a Dutch museum a moon rock from the first manned lunar landing was discovered to be petrified wood.
Argentina legalized the personal possession of marijuana, and Zambian President Rupiah Banda evicted two hundred primates from the State House after a monkey peed on him during a press conference. The wife of Japan's next prime minister said that her soul once rode to Venus on a triangular UFO. After sixty years Ikea switched its typeface to Verdana from a customized version of Futura, provoking global outrage. "Look, I know this isn't world hunger," said a Romanian design consultant. "But if a company like Ikea can make this mistake, you have to wonder who is going to lead when it comes to design." A Detroit man admitted to chopping up the body of a homeless man and stuffing the parts in his freezer, saying that he had stumbled upon the corpse and didn't know what to do with it; two Florida men were convicted of gang raping a woman and forcing her to perform oral sex on her 12-year-old son; and a court hearing in Cincinnati was halted when the defendant, a 66-year-old man charged with robbery and kidnapping, squeezed out his colostomy bag onto a table and ate the contents. The Andromeda galaxy was expanding by cannibalizing other galaxies.
-- Claire Gutierrez
Argentina legalized the personal possession of marijuana, and Zambian President Rupiah Banda evicted two hundred primates from the State House after a monkey peed on him during a press conference. The wife of Japan's next prime minister said that her soul once rode to Venus on a triangular UFO. After sixty years Ikea switched its typeface to Verdana from a customized version of Futura, provoking global outrage. "Look, I know this isn't world hunger," said a Romanian design consultant. "But if a company like Ikea can make this mistake, you have to wonder who is going to lead when it comes to design." A Detroit man admitted to chopping up the body of a homeless man and stuffing the parts in his freezer, saying that he had stumbled upon the corpse and didn't know what to do with it; two Florida men were convicted of gang raping a woman and forcing her to perform oral sex on her 12-year-old son; and a court hearing in Cincinnati was halted when the defendant, a 66-year-old man charged with robbery and kidnapping, squeezed out his colostomy bag onto a table and ate the contents. The Andromeda galaxy was expanding by cannibalizing other galaxies.
-- Claire Gutierrez
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