A poem
I'm tired.
Tired of the bruises and the pain
in my heart, and in my brain.
Tired of the feelings deep inside
that bubble up with tears
I cannot hide.
I'm tired of images I can't escape,
on paper and screen,
in dreams when I sleep.
I'm tired of friends not knowing what to do.
They listen, but don't hear what I say.
They don't understand.
I'm not complaining,
but I can't celebrate that I'm alive
while part of me is there, in the dust.
I've shared the fear with those who didn't survive.
How will I cope?
How will I move on?
I don't know.
Maybe tomorrow I will take a less painful step.
Maybe I will be able to lend someone a helping hand.
I will survive, this I know,
and so will the city I'm proud of.
Some other tomorrow I hope people will understand
how grateful I am
for all the support,
and the messages of hope.
But today, tonight – I'm tired.
Mary Sangster, Children's Bookshop, Christchurch
1 March 2011
in response to the 6.3 earthquake in Christchurch.
Emotionally I couldn't do the 2 minutes silence, but this popped into my head instead.
Footnote:
Beautiful Mary, and I really feel for you and your colleagues, family and friends in Christchurch who have suffered so much.
Thinking of you at this most difficult time, you are in my heart,
Warmest,
Bookman Beattie
3 comments:
Ah, I understand this poem, very well--but hope to see the Children's Bookshop rise again soon.
Mary - 3 of my family have lost homes in the latest 'quake, so I have a small understanding of how it must feel when a lot of hard work since September has been totalled. Constant stress since spring, and we're now headed into winter...
if, when you feel more able, you can think of ways ex-pat CHCH (born Burwood, lived in North Beach, schooled there & Aranui HS, and U of C) writers may specifically help the Children's Bookshop, please do let us know...I'm sure Bookman Beattie will pass along my contact-
meanwhile, kia kaha, kia ora mai -
Mary, thank you so much for your poem - I used it in church this morning when leading the prayers - You have touched so many hearts and helped so many people with your cry of tiredness - we feel for you all in Christchurch but each of the people who spoke to me after church said it really hit the spot with the private earthquakes in their own lives as well.
Out of your tiredness and sorrow you have helped many people - thank you so much! I guess it wasn't intended that way, but our gratitude anyway.
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