by UA Fanthorpe - Saturday 19 September 2015 - The Guardian
Old Scallywag scapegoat has skedaddled,
Retired at last to bridge and both kinds of bird-watching,
No more suspect phone calls from shady acquaintances,
Anonymous ladies and flush-faced Rotarians.
He could always be blamed when case-notes strayed.
(His MG boot? His mistress’s bed? We enjoyed guessing.)
How we shall miss his reliable shiftiness,
Wow and flutter on tape, Wimbledon-fortnight illness,
Dr Macavity life. Dear foxy quack,
I relished your idleness, your improvisations,
Your faith in my powers of you-preservation.
Who will shoulder our errors now?
What of your replacement, the new high flyer,
Smelling of aftershave and ambition? Is that tic
Telling us something his mind will arrive at later?
Meantime I watch his parentheses. A man so much given
To brackets is hedging his bets.
• From Berowne’s Book by UA Fanthorpe (Enitharmon, £9.99).
Retired at last to bridge and both kinds of bird-watching,
No more suspect phone calls from shady acquaintances,
Anonymous ladies and flush-faced Rotarians.
He could always be blamed when case-notes strayed.
(His MG boot? His mistress’s bed? We enjoyed guessing.)
How we shall miss his reliable shiftiness,
Wow and flutter on tape, Wimbledon-fortnight illness,
Dr Macavity life. Dear foxy quack,
I relished your idleness, your improvisations,
Your faith in my powers of you-preservation.
Who will shoulder our errors now?
What of your replacement, the new high flyer,
Smelling of aftershave and ambition? Is that tic
Telling us something his mind will arrive at later?
Meantime I watch his parentheses. A man so much given
To brackets is hedging his bets.
• From Berowne’s Book by UA Fanthorpe (Enitharmon, £9.99).
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