Julian Barnes seriously contemplated suicide after the death of his wife, he
has disclosed.
Barnes: anonymous friends
attacked in new book Photo: Jonathan Cape,
Rex
The author, a former Man Booker Prize winner, worked out precise details
while grieving for Pat Kavanagh, his wife of 30 years.
In his new novel, Levels of Life, he writes for the first time about coping
with her death from cancer, aged 68, in 2008, and attacks friends whom he
believes were too cowardly to speak her name.
He describes Kavanagh, a literary agent, as “the heart of my life; the life
of my heart”.
He goes on to note: “Grief sorts out and realigns those around the
griefstruck; how friends are tested; how some pass, some fail.”
He adds: “You might expect those closest to you in age and sex and marital
status to understand best. What a naivety. I remember a 'dinner-table
conversation’ in a restaurant with three married friends of roughly my age.
“Each had known her for many years – perhaps 80 or 90 in total – and each would have said, if asked, that they loved her. I mentioned her name; no one picked it up. I did it again, and again nothing. Perhaps the third time I was deliberately trying to provoke, being p----- off at what struck me not as good manners but cowardice.
“Afraid to touch her name, they denied her thrice, and I thought the worse of them for it.” Barnes, who has been known for more cryptic works, also admitted considering suicide after her death.
“The question of suicide arrives early, and quite logically,” he writes. “I knew soon enough my preferred method – a hot bath, a glass of wine next to the taps, and an exceptionally sharp Japanese
carving knife. I thought of that solution fairly often, and still do.”
But he decided his end would be akin to a second death of his wife, since he was “her principal rememberer”.
He says he is now equipped with a “firm argument” against suicide, but admits the temptation remains.
More
“Each had known her for many years – perhaps 80 or 90 in total – and each would have said, if asked, that they loved her. I mentioned her name; no one picked it up. I did it again, and again nothing. Perhaps the third time I was deliberately trying to provoke, being p----- off at what struck me not as good manners but cowardice.
“Afraid to touch her name, they denied her thrice, and I thought the worse of them for it.” Barnes, who has been known for more cryptic works, also admitted considering suicide after her death.
“The question of suicide arrives early, and quite logically,” he writes. “I knew soon enough my preferred method – a hot bath, a glass of wine next to the taps, and an exceptionally sharp Japanese
carving knife. I thought of that solution fairly often, and still do.”
But he decided his end would be akin to a second death of his wife, since he was “her principal rememberer”.
He says he is now equipped with a “firm argument” against suicide, but admits the temptation remains.
More
No comments:
Post a Comment