Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Elbows, Knees, and Blows: All the Ways Jack Reacher Kicks Ass Over Seventeen Novels



This December, in Jack Reacher, the diminutive Tom Cruise will somehow star as the six foot five former Army MP title character of Lee Child's bestselling thriller series. Throughout seventeen books (the latest, A Wanted Man, was released last week), Reacher has, liked Kane in Kung Fu, walked the Earth (or at least America), getting into violent adventures that usually involve beating the hell out of bad men. Lots of elbows are thrown (if you learn anything from these novels, it's this: elbows over fists), lots of people are shot in the head. Much mayhem is had and we have logged it all. You're welcome.

1. Killing Floor (or, the one with Reacher's brother)
Reacher shoots two (2) people in the back; shoots three (3) people in the head; drowns a man; shoots one person’s leg off; breaks two (2) necks; kicks one person in the throat; headbutts another; cuts someone’s throat; pops a man’s eyeball with his finger; breaks four (4) of a man’s fingers; kicks a guy in the balls; saps two (2) dudes on the back of their head/necks; stabs someone in the face.
2. Die Trying (or, the one with the militia)
Reacher suffocates a man by jamming his face into a mattress; jams a cigarette into someone’s eye; smashes a chair into someone’s skull; shoots three (3) people in the head; smashes one face into a desk; smashes an elbow into someone’s head; smashes a forearm into someone’s head; smashes a rifle into someone’s head; shoots seven (7) people dead; breaks a neck; kills a guy by blowing up his truck.
3. Tripwire (or, the one with the guy with the hook-hand)
Reacher elbows someone in the face; gives three (3) punches to the head; knees one gut; delivers two (2) punches to the stomach; breaks one neck; smashes his forearm into someone’s forehead; shoots two (2) people in the head.
4. Running Blind (or, the one with the serial killer and the bathtubs full of paint)
Reacher elbows three (3) people in the head; hits someone in the head with a bat; smashes two (2) guys into a wall; punches a guy in the stomach; pistol-whips someone; breaks someone’s neck with a single punch.
5. Echo Burning (or, the one on the Texas ranch)
Reacher snaps someone’s finger; head-butts someone else; breaks two arms; bashes two (2) people with pool cues; knocks out some teeth; beats two (2) dudes with a pool cue while they lie on the floor; punches someone in the gut; kicks someone in the head; shoots two (2) people dead.
6. Without Fail (or, the one with the Secret Service)
Reacher smashes his elbow into two (2) faces; slices one forehead with a knife; shatters a forearm; shoots a guy in the head; shoots a guy in the throat.
7. Persuader (or, the one that takes place on the Maine coast)
Reacher kills two (2) people with a ten-pound rock; smashes a hand with his boot, twice; throws his elbow at various body parts five (5) times; delivers six (6) punches to heads; breaks two (2) elbows, shoots three (3) people; shoots someone in the head; kicks seven (7) times (five times to the same head); breaks one hand; breaks one wrist; breaks one arm; snaps one neck; punches one stomach; knees one groin; stabs knife into one brain; smashes a head into a wall/floor three (3) times; jumps on someone’s solar plexus Bruce Lee–style once.
The full list at Vulture

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